Amarjit discusses the importance of authentic and effective communications. He talks about the 3 components of communications and how to understand and improve your capacity to be authentic and effective when communicating: 1) Listening – the most important aspect of communications and where most communication falters. He goes on to inform the listener what is faulty listening and how to properly listen. 2) Processing – taking what has been communicated and observing the reaction within. He talks about faulty processing and how to create awareness and to use this stage to be more authentic and improve your capacity to understand habit patterns. Amarjit shares an experience from his first vipassana retreat in Bodh Gaya, India that helped him understand problems with his own communications at this stage. 3) Speaking – communicating with non-violent communication and with proper intention. He discusses how to use this stage to connect to others without judgment. At the end of the show, Amarjit shares an experience that happened while sitting under the famous Bodhi Tree, where Siddhartha Gautama became Buddha.
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COMPONENTS OF COMMUNICATION
THE 3 COMPONENTS OF COMMUNICATION.
1. LISTENING/READING: to the other and to the self.
This is the most important aspect of communications and where most communication falters. At this stage it’s necessary to hear what is being communicated through words, actions, gestures, facial expressions, etc. At this point, just listening, observing and acceptance is necessary – being present without judgment. Once the message is heard from the other, then one needs to listen to the self. How is the mind, body, and emotions reacting to what has been heard? Then one moves on to the next stage.
In our current culture of technology listening is getting worse. On a daily basis I find that I have to repeat myself at least 3 times before a person is able to begin to hear what I’m saying. People are not present. If you aren’t truly listening to what someone is saying you’re creating a chasm in your connection with those around you. This chasm doesn’t begin with the other, it begins within. Being present with yourself and creating a peaceful balance within is essential to good communication. It is called “connecting to your higher self”, but what it represents is the connection to the subtle self; beyond the entanglements of the inner dialogue of your drama. It is being open to accept what you are hearing from within, and its reflection – from those around you. Most people have so many expectations that they are too busy projecting those on what is being said that they don’t listen. It’s vital to be still and receptive to listen. Being still is not just physical. Unnecessary movement physical and mental, is a resistance mechanism to not hear the unconscious, and similarly to hear the communication outside of you. Everything is a vibration; some vibrations are coarse, while others are subtle. To connect to the unsaid, within the said, one needs to have a still and receptive mind. However, most people are ego focused and preparing to speak while the other is speaking. This is not listening.
At this stage, you should be taking what has been communicated and observing the initial reaction within. What feelings arise? What is the impulse from these feelings? What are these feelings trying to get you to do, or not do? It’s important for clear communication and self-awareness to interrupt the reaction to these feelings because giving in to the impulses they create cause a behavior that then becomes your habit pattern. This impulse, resistance, is what keeps you entangled in your karma. When you go beyond these impulses you are able to evaluate from the neutral mind – shunyia. This is where understanding happens uncorrupted by judgement and false identification.
Often this aspect is neglected and people move on to the third stage to project the internal dialogue that has been echoing within. This aspect of communication is corrupted by your inability to remove projections of your drama; your unconscious reactions to what you think you heard based on your karma prevents you from understanding what has been communicated in and beyond the words. The unconscious and conscious emotional reactions corrupt your understanding and cause behavioral reactions. This is your karma manifesting.
At this stage you should be able to incorporate the understanding from the previous stage and communicate with non-violent communication; communication with love regardless of the emotional and behavioral impulses.
This stage is corrupted by your karma and false identifications. Because the first two aspects of communication were polluted with your projections, your speaking is filled with disconnection to what things are, by what you believe them to be. Since the internal dialogue made it unable for you to properly listen, your communication is filled with misunderstanding and distance.